Chuck here again, folks. So that guy sent me an email a couple weeks ago saying that bum in the picture might be Rick and blah, blah, blah. I was thinking yeah sure, it could be Rick, but where was this picture taken? How could I find out? There had to be a way of contacting the guy who took the photo. And then I remembered my Internet for Dummies book where it said you can reply to an email. So I did! WAY cool! I asked the guy where the picture was taken, and he replies back, saying "Earth" which was stupid, because we already knew that. But it would have been funny if he said "we found Rick in Uranus" HAHAHA! Get it? Anyway, I emailed the guy back and said "Where on earth?" and he writes back saying "Where on earth what?" and I say "Where on earth did you take that picture?" and he then he says "The one I sent you?" and I say "Yeah, the one you sent me" and he says "Oh. I like chicken soup." I thought he was thinking about it or something, or went to get some soup, so I waited for a follow-up answer, but never got one. I emailed him again last week and here's what I got back:

"Dude, you're such a freaking retard. You've been emailing Rick all this time and you didn't even know it."

So I email the guy back and say "What?" and he emails me and says "I'm Rick" and I email him back and I say "What?" and he emails me and says "This is Rick. I'll call you since you have no clue what's going on." And I email him back and I say "Rick who?" He hasn't emailed me back yet. This is totally weird. But we're gonna find him. Did I mention he owes me money?

Heeeeey, everybody! Chuck Happinin here. As you probably already know, I'm Rick's right-hand man. Sometimes I'm his left-hand man, but that's only when he wants to pretend to write left-handed to impress the ladies. Anyway, we think we're getting closer to finding Rick. We had given up hope. We thought he died. Some said he probably mouthed off to the wrong person.... again. Others said he could have driven his car off a cliff by mistake... again. Some people even went so far as to say that he might have gone to Disneyland, gotten into a heated debate with Goofy about whether or not "Gwarsh" was really a word and got hit over the head by Goofy and buried in an undisclosed location for several days... Again.

One of our readers sent in this photo, which we believe might bring us closer to finding Rick - who totally owes me money by the way:

My Dad always told me that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and says "I'm the coolest guy", it's probably Rick. Well, Dad didn't use those exact words. I'm parafrailing.

Now we just need to find out where this was taken. The guy who sent this just said "Hey, I found this deadbeat on the street soaked in his own filth. Is he yours?" Not very informative, dude. But if this isn't Rick, then nobody is.

I don't know who thinks this is funny, but to whoever sent this to us - it is NOT funny. Except for the two hats. Who wears two hats? LOL! But really... let's find Rick.

Barbara here. I'm not posting an update. I just want to say that Rick is missing, and anyone who knows anything about his whereabouts should contact us. He was quite despondent these past few weeks due to business plans not working out in his favor. The last time anyone saw him, he was leaving this office crying "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity" while staring at that stupid damn crown in his hands.

Nerdy got a new phone, but is such a dope that he trusted us not to look at his pictures or videos. Gues what we found...

Starting today, I've decided to make some changes to how I run this business:

1. Anyone wishing to speak to me while I'm working must say "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity" before I'll give them my attention.

2. Underwear will now be worn outside the pants. For those wearing skirts, underwear will be worn on the head. Not yours. Mine.

3. No personal phone calls are allowed anymore, unless you yell "There's a bomb!! Get out while you can!" before starting your conversation.

4. No more humming at your desk (aka Nerdy McNerdson's couch). The only exception is if you hum Flight of the Bumblebee while hopping on one foot.

5. We will no longer be having "Bring your kid to work day." From now on, if you want to bring a kid to work, it must be a kid you don't know.

6. If you ever bring any form of liver for lunch, be it a sandwich or otherwise, you must deposit it in the trash before entering work and sign a confession stating that you are a dumby-dumb stupid head.

7. If you do not have a project to work on, let me know by laying down in a fetal position and crying. This is not to be confused with my very similar morning ritual.

8. Do not call me Mega-Lo anymore. I found out what it means and it's not nearly as bitchin' as I was led to believe. You guys suck.

9. Two words: Lard Fridays. Draw your own conclusions.

10. I won't ask who stole my laser pointer. Just give it back. I know everyone whined about me burning one of Nerdy McNerdson's retina, but WTF? He's got two of them. So this isn't really a rule or guideline, but I wanted an even ten. Now seriously. Give my laser pointer. It cost $2 at Target!

I've got some major bones to pick with the powers that be, because if I'm not famous, things just don't make sense anywhere. Most of the poeple reading this don't know me, but if you did, you'd be saying that I'd win on American Idol, Dancing With The Stars and any other tv show that honestly reflects the talent pool in America. Siskel and Ebert would give me two thumbs up if the skinny one wasn't dead and the fat one was able to use his thumbs. I tell you, it just doesn't make sense. I said a couple of weeks ago that everything was going to change. But change starts from within. So look within yourself, and realize that I am much cooler than most people.

I've been having meetings all week, just like a president does, trying to get everyone to stop whining like babies. Little whining babies. Babies that whine. Whine. W-H-I-N-E. Doesn't that look weird spelled out like that? Hahahaha!! I'm not laughing at what I just typed. Rick just walked by and farted!

But yeah, everyone's whining about how we're not making any "money." We don't have any "clients." We're not that "bright" and things like that. Actually, I said most of that. Everyone else was busy checking their email, except for Nerdy. What a dork. So I thought it would be a good time to "pump up my staff" (Hahahaha! Now I'm laughing at what I just typed!) and remind them of everything we set out to do. We didn't name ourselves Entertainment Global Organization for nothing! We are EGO! We will not be bruised! We're like fine wine. We're like ray-ee-yaaaaain on your weddin' day. We're like Bogey and McCall.

Uh-oh. Gotta go. Looks like that wasn't a fart after all, and we've gotta run to Target and get Rick some new pants.

McNerdson came to me yesterday and asked if I wanted to see the visitor stats from our website. I was psyched about it until he started throwing these numbers and figures at me. When are people going to get the fact that we presidents don't know math. We have other people do our math for us. I asked him to just give me the simple version. He said "people visit our website."

Good 'nuff, Nerdy! I asked him to call the people who visited our website and find out why they didn't email me. He's standing outside of my office (his bedroom at his Mom's house) right now rubbing his temples. I'll bet that means he's thinking real hard.

"That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I read that on Twitter. That's all I'm gonna say.

Hi all, this is Barbara Uceliss. I can't actually use a computer, so McNerdson is typing this for me. It's totally funny, because when I said "Hi all, this is Barbara Uceliss", he repeated it back to me like he was me! What a nimrod! Oh. Sorry, Nerdy. Duh....

Anyway, I was sitting around the house last night watching World's Biggest Loser - which is about fat people by the way. Gross! I thought it was going to be about, you know, losers! What a stupid name for a tv show. They could have named it "World's biggest loser of weight" or "I'm fat, but I'm gonna get thin" or "Keep that Big Mac away from my mouth!" so that I wouldn't make the mistake of watching all of those whining fatties.

Like I was saying, I was watching tv and I get a picture sent to me on my phone from Chuck:

I called Chuck and he tells me that he and Rick were at a bar and when they were leaving, a cop hit his siren before Rick could even get out of the parking lot. Totally unfair, right? He didn't even get a chance to prove he couldn't drive! Rick apparently jumped out of his car and bolted down the street yelling something about being too smart and too cute to go to jail. The police caught up to him and let him know that the siren wasn't for him, it was for the burglar they saw trying to break into the place next door to the bar. Then Rick said "Whew, so you don't even care about my warrant!" Looks like Rick and the burglar will be bunkies for a few days.

Turns out that it's not a good idea to post on Craigslist that everyone sucks but us. Unbeknownst to me (although Debbie said she told me a few days ago), we joined a Web Design support group recently and the other companies in our group were kind of mad that we said on CraigsList that they suck. We decided that we needed to clear the air. I sent Debbie. She can clear a room, so why not air? I'm told the meeting went well. Nerdy took a picture during the meeting:

We hit a little roadblock today. It appears that the office space that we're renting is being condemned. They got us out of there quicker than I got to first base with Barbara. And that was quick! Anyway, until we find another place to call home, we're now using Nerdy McNerdson's bedroom at his Mom's house as a base for E.G.O. (see our commemorative picture, below!). For now, we're asking all of our clients to go to Java-Fueled Designs to get their work done. It's a little deal we struck since we weren't able to pay them for building this website. More business being done! Great! Here's that photo I promised. McNerdson looks mad at us, but he was just yelling at his Mom to get out.

Oh boy. So... Nerdy McNerdson, AKA Todd something-or-other, built a fantastic website for my Uncle Harry, and everyone was totally jazzed about it. What we didn't plan on was that Uncle Harry couldn't see the website, because he's blind. He said he wouldn't pay for a website he couldn't see. So now we've got a guy who isn't going to pay us for the mega-fantastic work we did for him, Nerdy McNerdson will probably want to get paid for his work and our laywer (she's totally going to ace the bar next week) Debbie Bahdmude is suing my uncle for breach of contract. We didn't have a contract, but Debbie says that shouldn't make a difference. To top it all off, Chuck is wondering if he should go back to full-time status at Taco Bell. HOW COOL! We made a website and we're suing somebody! Looks like we're in business!

Chuck and I decided to buy the boat we promised ourselves when we became big, successful businessmen. We went shopping at Yachts-R-Us, but those idiots wouldn't take our word for it that we'd pay them once we had more money coming in. So we went to CraigsList and found something we could afford:

It looks bad right now, but the last owner said we could just patch the holes, slap a little paint on it and we'd have an instant chick-magnet boat. I'm going to call Nerdy McNerdson right now and tell him to have it plugged and painted by tomorrow.

After much deliberation and round-table discussion, we decided my Uncle Harry was screwed. Then the Janitor walked in and Rick and I start goofing on him. One thing leads to another and we found out that he's built websites before. We immediately offer him the position of Web Dude, and he accepted. He's gonna build our first website! Me and Rick decided we're going to start calling him "Nerdy McNerdson." I'm not even sure what the hell his name is yet...

A LOT has happened since the 4th. We are immersed in business, just as I suspected we would be by now. Man, where do I start? OK. I got a call from my Dad on the 6th. He was telling me how Uncle Harry, who's only got one eye and looks like a total dork, made some boomerang for blind people that they throw, and right before the boomerang comes back, a little speaker inside of it says "Watch out!" Anyway, he wants to put it on the internet. I said what any young ontrepuhnewer would say. I told him it was a stupid idea, but I'd do him the favor for $15,000. After a lot of back and forth, during which I was making faces at him because he couldn't see me 'cause he's blind, we ended up with a still-fantastic $500. Fresh off the bargaining table, we ran back to the office and started work. We realized we hadn't actually asked Uncle Harry what he hell he wanted on his website. So we called him. Turned out he wanted way more than just a picture of the product and the name. He wanted people to be able to buy it off the internet. Crap. We hadn't planned on that, and weren't sure how to go about setting up an online store. Our bad, right?! LOL! Heck, we didn't even build our OWN website. We hired Java-Fueled Designs to do that. So we're working on figuring this out... check back later.

OK, it's been a few days now since we opened our doors. Since we haven't had any calls yet, I can only assume that people are so overwhelmed by our ridiculously fantastic website that they need time to recover from the can of whoop-ass we've unleashed on them. Meanwhile, me and Chuck are thinking of buying a boat with some of the investment money we got from an un-named souce (thanks, Dad!) and we're going to name it the SS E.G.O. I think "SS" means "simply sailing."

Well, our doors are officially open for business!! We meticulously prepared our grand opening so that our website debuted on January 1st. Crazy, huh? So now we just wait for the clients to start pouring in. With our skillz (that's how the cool people spell "skills"!), we should be have enough money to vacation in Maui anytime now